I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
pray to the hookup gods
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
