You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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