Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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