is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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