the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
