i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
