YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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