i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
