I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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