There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
