Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
