I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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