No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
