Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
