Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How does one acquire holy water?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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