you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
