That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
