Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
