I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She is in my trunk
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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