you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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