Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
