I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
