She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
