I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
