paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
