You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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