This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
