I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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