With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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