I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
