Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
