OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
