the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
