so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
