If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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