Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
