College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
