it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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