Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
