Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
