do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
