I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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