I heard we made out
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
