I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
