i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
