Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
