Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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