I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
