What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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