i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
