So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
