Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
